Come on, dive in, the waters warm

Wow, didn't think I would do this, but oh well
*holds breaths, takes the plunge*

I'm a compulsive people pleasure, so don't expect anything offensive here, I just can't bring myself to do that, this is gonna be about me. My selfish corner. (damn should have called it that, oh well)
I have friends. I am in no way a loner, yet sometimes I feel alone. So alone that I feel cold even in the sunshine. Have you ever been around friends but yet not felt in the conversation? Do you know that lonliness in the pit of your stomach you get when that happens, that terrible, heart stopping, buttock clenching feeling of being left out? Thats how I feel. And do you know the worst thing? No, you probably don't. The worst thing is the way they see me, as the 'funny one.' Oh, I'm not complaining bout that, I have a sense of humour which I am proud of. But no one sees me as anything more then that, as the one who you can have a laugh with. With notable exceptions, I haven't had a proper conversation in years. Its a horrible feeling, to be the 'funny one'.


The mask across his face seems to be slipping,
the grin plastered on the jesters face is fading.
The bells jangle and the crowd applaud, but the moves are routine.
No joy or effort within the performance.
And yet still people turn to the fool for distraction, but who knows what thoughts fleet across his joyous face, what darkness whells within?
Emptiness behind his sparkling eyes, his infectious laughter fake.
How can the clown make others laugh when he has forgotten how?